How do you walk into a room where you know nobody?

The door opens on a room full of people laughing at jokes you didn't hear. Everyone seems to know everyone. You know the host, vaguely, or nobody at all. This is the moment many of us decide to check our phone urgently in the corridor.

There's a better way, and it mostly comes down to having a plan for the first few minutes.

Find the host

If there is a host, organiser or person at the door, go to them first. Say hello, thank them for the invitation, and ask a simple question: "Who should I meet?" Good hosts love that question. Even a vague introduction ("this is Sara, she's also into sailing") gets you into the room.

At events without a host, such as a conference reception or a class drinks, the equivalent is the person handing out name badges or pouring the wine. A quick chat with them is a gentle warm-up.

Use the snack table

The food and drink table is the most underrated spot in any room. It gives you something to do with your hands, a reason to stand still and a ready-made conversation starter. "Have you tried these? Are they good?" is a perfectly respectable opening line.

Holding a glass or a small plate also solves the "what do I do with my hands" problem, which is half the awkwardness.

Read the groups

Not all groups are equally easy to join:

• Pairs facing each other are usually deep in conversation. Leave them.
• Groups of three or more with a gap in the circle are open. Someone standing slightly apart, or a circle with one side open, is an invitation.
• People on their own are often as relieved as you are to talk.

Approach an open group, stand at the edge, listen for a moment, and catch someone's eye. When there's a natural pause, say hello and introduce yourself, or connect to what they're talking about.

Have one good question ready

Prepare one question you can use anywhere:

• "How do you know the host?"
• "What brings you here?"
• "Have you been to one of these before?"

Then follow up on whatever they say: "Oh, you work together? What's that like?" The follow-up is where conversations actually start. We have more on keeping them going in getting better at small talk.

Give yourself a job

If talking is tough, help. Offer to pass around food, take coats, refill glasses, take a group photo. Helpers meet everyone, have a reason to move around and rarely look awkward. It also tends to earn you a little goodwill from the host.

Plan your exit, too

Knowing you can leave makes it easier to stay. Give yourself a small target, such as three conversations or forty-five minutes, and allow yourself to go once you've met it. Often you'll be having a good time and stay longer. Sometimes you won't, and that's fine.

Moving on from a conversation is simple: "It was great to meet you, I'm going to grab another drink." Nobody minds.

Arrive at the right time

Very early can be quiet and intense; very late means groups have already formed. Slightly after the start is often the sweet spot: enough people to blend in, conversations still open.