What is The Courage to Be Disliked about?

The book came out in Japan in December 2013 as Kirawareru yūki from the publisher Diamond. Ichiro Kishimi is a philosopher who has studied Adlerian psychology since 1989; Fumitake Koga is a professional writer. According to the Japanese Wikipedia entry, it topped the Japanese business-book rankings in 2015 and had passed 13.5 million copies worldwide by spring 2025. Not bad for a philosophy book with almost no plot.

The format: an argument, not a lecture

There are two characters. A philosopher calmly sets out Adler's ideas; a young man, frustrated with his life, pushes back, gets annoyed and keeps returning with fresh objections. The young man asks the questions a reader would ask, often more rudely, and that is what keeps the book moving. If you have ever read a Socratic dialogue, the shape will feel familiar. If you haven't, it reads a little like a long, very patient argument over dinner.

The format is also why people either love the book or bounce off it. The philosopher is always calm and nearly always has the last word, and some readers find that a bit convenient. Go in knowing it is a teaching device, not a novel.

The main ideas, in plain words

The book is an introduction to Alfred Adler's individual psychology, filtered through a Japanese philosopher's reading of it. Its core message, as the Japanese Wikipedia entry sums it up, is taking responsibility for your own life rather than depending on other people's approval. As we read it, that unfolds into a few big ideas:

• Your past explains you less than you think. The book argues that people are not simply the product of what happened to them; what matters is what they decide to do now. This is the most provocative claim, and the one most worth arguing with.
• Other people's approval is not your job. Living to be liked means living someone else's life. Being disliked by some people is the price of being free to act on your own judgement.
• Responsibility is freeing. If your life is shaped by choices rather than fixed causes, you can make different ones.

None of this is presented as a technique. There are no exercises, just the conversation, which tends to leave readers with a handful of questions they keep asking themselves afterwards.

What readers take from it

Most readers come away with one sentence they repeat to themselves when they are about to bend over backwards for someone's approval. That is the real use of the book: a nudge towards doing what you think is right and letting other people have their own reactions. If that is your sticking point, our page on how to stop being a people-pleaser turns the idea into everyday practice.

Treat the bigger claims with care. The book makes sweeping statements about the past, and it is a popular introduction, not a clinical guide. Anyone dealing with something heavier than everyday worry about what others think deserves proper support, not a dialogue.

Who it suits

It suits readers who like ideas delivered through conversation, people who suspect they spend too much energy managing others' opinions, and anyone who enjoyed the practical side of Stoic writing such as Seneca's letters. It suits less well if you want evidence, studies and footnotes: it is an argument, not a research summary.