What do you say when people comment on what you eat?

Food is social, so it attracts commentary. "Is that all you're having?" "Another pastry?" "Oh, you're being good." "Don't you miss real food?" "You'll never finish that." Most of these are not meant unkindly; people comment on plates the way they comment on the weather. A few are pointed. Either way, the person eating usually just wants to get back to the meal.

Start with the light touch

For the everyday remark, a short, cheerful reply and a new topic are usually enough. The aim is to keep the table pleasant without opening a discussion about your choices.

• "It's really good, actually. Have you tried it here?"
• "I'm very happy with it."
• "I always order this, it's my favourite."
• "Plenty for me. How was your week?"

The question at the end does the heavy lifting. Most people will follow a change of subject gladly, especially if it is about them.

Use humour, gently

A bit of wit can take the air out of a comment without creating tension, as long as it is warm rather than sharp.

• To "You're eating all that?": "Watch me."
• To "You're being healthy": "I'm being hungry. The salad just happened to be there."
• To a comment on a second helping: "I'm complimenting the cook."

Humour works best with friends and family who are teasing rather than criticising. With strangers or colleagues, a neutral reply is safer.

When it keeps happening, set a boundary

Some people comment on every meal, or come back to the same point again and again. A clear, calm sentence, said once, works better than repeated deflection:

• "I'm happy with what I eat. I'd rather we didn't discuss my plate."
• "I know you mean well, but I'd prefer not to talk about my food."

Say it without heat, and then move on. If it continues, a private word away from the table usually lands better than a scene in front of everyone.

Don't moralise back

It is tempting, when someone comments on your plate, to comment on theirs. Resist it. Turning a meal into a contest of who is eating "better" makes everyone at the table self-conscious, including the people who said nothing. We think food is best enjoyed without anyone scoring it, in either direction.

The same goes for explaining your choices at length. You do not owe the table a rationale for the risotto, the second bread roll or the decision to skip dessert. A short answer is enough.

Comments about eating less, or more

Remarks run in both directions, and both deserve the same treatment. Someone pressing you to have more, "go on, you've hardly eaten", can be just as tiring as someone remarking on how much you have had. A friendly "I'm perfectly full, thank you, it was lovely" covers it. Repeat as needed, with a smile.

If you are the host

Hosts can do a lot to keep a table comment-free: serve dishes for people to help themselves, avoid praising or remarking on what individual guests choose, and steer the conversation elsewhere if a comment starts to linger. A relaxed host gives everyone permission to just eat.