How do you plan a dinner party menu without stressing?

Most dinner party stress has nothing to do with cooking skill. It comes from a menu where four things need the stove at the same moment, the host is still chopping parsley when the doorbell goes, and nobody gets to talk to the person who cooked. Fix the menu and the evening fixes itself.

Rule one: one hot dish

Choose a single dish that needs last-minute attention: a pasta, a risotto, something from the oven. That is your moment of theatre. Everything else on the menu has to stand back and let it have the stage.

If the main dish is fussy, everything around it should be simple. If you want something showy for dessert, keep the main to a slow-cooked dish that can wait in a low oven.

Rule two: the rest is made ahead or served at room temperature

This is where Italian habits help. Plenty of Italian food is perfectly happy warm or at room temperature, not straight off the flame.

• To start: a board of good bread, olives, cheese, sliced fennel, radishes with butter, roasted peppers dressed in oil. Assembled, not cooked. Guests pick at it while you finish the main.
• Sides: roast vegetables dressed with oil and vinegar, beans with herbs and lemon, a grain salad, a tomato salad or panzanella, a wedge of frittata. All can be made earlier and simply set out.
• Dessert: something made the day before. A tart, a tiramisù, a set panna cotta, or simply good ice cream with fruit, biscuits and a bottle of something sweet.

Dress leafy salads at the very last moment, but have the leaves washed and the dressing in a jar long before.

Rule three: cook what you know

A dinner party is not the night to try three new dishes. Choose at least the main from things you have cooked before. One new thing is an adventure. Three is a gamble.

The order of work

Write it down. It sounds over-organised, and it is the single best calming device in the kitchen.

The day before (or the morning of):

• Shop, so the day itself is for cooking.
• Make dessert.
• Make dressings, sauces and anything that improves overnight: bean dishes, braises, marinated vegetables.

A few hours before:

• Roast vegetables, cook grains, make the frittata or other room-temperature dishes.
• Prep everything for the hot dish: chop, measure, grate the cheese, put the pot of water on the side ready to go.
• Set the table. Chill the drinks.

An hour before:

• Clear the kitchen and run the dishwasher, so you start the evening with space.
• Lay out the starter board and serving dishes.
• Take a shower. Seriously.

When guests arrive:

• Drinks and the starter board.
• Start the hot dish at a calm moment, once everyone has settled.

Keep the table generous and simple

Serve family-style: dishes in the middle, people help themselves. It is more relaxed than plating, uses fewer plates, and lets guests take what they like. A bottle of good olive oil and flaky salt on the table lets everyone finish their own plate.

Let people help

When someone offers to bring something, say yes and be specific: bread, cheese, dessert, ice, flowers. Guests like to contribute, and it gives you one less thing to think about.