# How do you accept a compliment without deflecting? Canonical: https://zestasy.com/wiki/accepting-compliments/ Section: Zestasy Wiki > Mindset · Updated: 2026-10-13 · Publisher: Zestasy *Zestasy Wiki: our reference answers. Checked for facts and sources; less curated than the magazine.* Say "thank you", and then stop talking. No "oh, this old thing", no pointing out the flaw, no instant compliment in return. If silence feels too bare, add one small true sentence ("I'm really pleased with how it turned out") and let the other person enjoy having said something nice. Someone says they love the bread you brought. Within half a second, the reply is out: "Oh, it's a bit flat actually, the oven runs cold." Someone says you ran well today. "I was so slow on the hills." Someone says the dress looks great, and you tell them it was in the sale. We all know this move. It feels modest. In practice it is a small act of correction: the other person offered something, and we handed it back with a note saying they were wrong. ## Why we deflect There are a few ordinary reasons, and recognising which one is yours helps. - **Not wanting to seem big-headed.** Agreeing with praise feels like boasting, so we argue with it. - **Knowing the flaws.** You saw the cracked crust and the collapsed corner. They didn't. Your inside knowledge feels like the truth. - **Discomfort with attention.** A compliment puts you briefly in the spotlight, and deflecting is the quickest way out of it. - **Habit.** Many of us grew up in places where modesty was the polite reply. The reflex simply stuck. None of these is a character flaw. But it helps to notice that the person complimenting you is not asking for your assessment. They are giving you theirs. ## The simple thank-you The whole technique fits in two words. "Thank you." Then a full stop. It will feel abrupt the first few times, as if you have left the door open and a draught is coming in. That feeling passes. To the other person, "thank you" sounds warm and confident, not arrogant. What sounds odd is a long, self-deprecating explanation. If you want a little more, add one small, true sentence that shares the pleasure rather than grading it: - "Thank you, I'm really pleased with it." - "Thanks, that's kind. It took three attempts." - "Thank you, I had a lot of fun making it." - "Thanks, I was nervous about that, so that's good to hear." Notice what these don't do. They don't agree that you're brilliant, and they don't argue that you're terrible. They just receive. ## Don't bounce it back instantly A close cousin of deflecting is the reflex return: "You look great." "No, *you* look great!" It feels generous, but it often sounds like a hot potato being passed. If you genuinely admire something about the other person, say it later, when it can land on its own. ## Let it land Here is the part most people skip. After you say thank you, let the moment last a second or two longer than is comfortable. Meet their eye, smile, and don't change the subject straight away. That second is where the compliment actually reaches you. It helps to remember that the person enjoyed saying it. Most people pay compliments because they noticed something and wanted to share it. Accepting graciously is a small kindness back. ## Practise on the easy ones Start with compliments about things you made or did, not about yourself: a dish, a piece of work, a well-taken photo. They are easier to accept because they feel less personal. Once "thank you" comes naturally there, it starts appearing in the harder places too. If you tend to be the one who has trouble saying good things about yourself, our piece on [being confident without being arrogant](https://zestasy.com/wiki/confident-not-arrogant/) covers the other side of the line. ## FAQ ### What if the compliment is wrong? If someone praises something you think was poor, "thank you" is still the right reply. You don't have to agree; you are acknowledging that they said something kind. You can quietly keep your own view. ### What about compliments at work? Same rule, with one useful addition: if others helped, name them. "Thank you, and Giulia did the hard part on the numbers" is gracious without being a deflection. ### What if the compliment makes you uncomfortable for other reasons? Not every comment is a compliment. If a remark about your body or appearance feels intrusive, you don't owe it a warm thank-you. A neutral "OK" and a change of subject is fine. ### Will people think I'm arrogant if I just say thanks? Almost never. A simple thank-you reads as relaxed and secure. Arrogance shows up as fishing for more, not as accepting what was offered. ## Related - [How do you be confident without being arrogant?](https://zestasy.com/wiki/confident-not-arrogant/) - [How do you laugh at yourself without putting yourself down?](https://zestasy.com/wiki/laughing-at-yourself/) - [What is the difference between self-esteem and confidence?](https://zestasy.com/wiki/self-esteem-vs-confidence/) - [How do you take pride in work nobody else sees?](https://zestasy.com/wiki/pride-in-your-work/) - [How do you celebrate other people's wins when you feel behind?](https://zestasy.com/wiki/celebrating-other-peoples-wins/) - [All Mindset answers in the Wiki](https://zestasy.com/wiki/#mindset)